Category: Stupid Humor

45 things about Dave

I got tagged and now you’re it! Just copy and paste and put your own answers in.
The purpose of this is to get to know your friends better and it’s so much fun!
Here are the rules – post this list on your profile (in Notes) replacing my answers with yours.
Tag 25 people to do the same thing.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYWONE? David (If you copy-paste this, I think you should leave the typo)

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? When I saw how long this list was

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? um… i guess? *shrug*

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? These questions make me want to give only smart-ass answers.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No, nor any other baby farm animals.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? The real question is, would me want to be friends with the other person that I was?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? No, sarcasm was bred out of my family generations ago.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? My god! I haven’t checked! You stole them when I wasn’t looking, didn’t you?! Is that why you’re asking? Dear sweet Jesus, all I wanted was to live a long peaceful life with my tonsils and now they’re gone!

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? If being chased by radioactive zombies, I might bungee jump.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Lumpy Monkeys. I’ve never seen it before, but if someone made it I would have to love it just for the name.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? my shoes have no laces, generally.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Same as my cereal. (thanks Kevin)

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Antennae

15. RED OR PINK? Incomplete sentences make me red in the face; being a hypocritical grammar nazi makes me pink with embarrassment.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Well, me doesn’t trust myself as another person because me believes that myself as another person may be a tonsil thief, is that what you mean?

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? well, as of #8, I now miss my tonsils… my poor innocent beautiful tonsils. *sob*

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? No, absolutely not. It’s kind of like that video in The Ring. You think it’s just some weird art-student questionnaire and then you end up losing organs that you love. Don’t do it!

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Me, or myself as another person?

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? By the time you read this now will have changed.

21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Holy crap, I’m running out of smart-ass comments and I’m only on #21!

22. FAVORITE SMELLS? Ihal M’mivigi Vinui

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Oh yeah, I was supposed to call Mike back…

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Myself as another person likes to watch the International Kitten Juggling League, but I find that immoral.

25. HAIR COLOR? Broken lightbulb? Two words and a questions mark, it’s the newest fad.

26. EYE COLOR? See? It’s really catching on!

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Only for weddings; I have a suit made of them.

28. FAVORITE FOODS? Gorilla Underwear?

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? *sigh* Adding a conjunction and extra words doesn’t help. How many people now have the song going through their heads? “Conjunction junction, what’s your function?”

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Lost Watch you moved?

31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Me is wearing black, red & white, but myself as another person is wearing black, white and red.

32. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter or Jungle?

33. HUGS OR KISSES? Raptors or Museums? (I admit, this newfangled way of speaking is starting to make sense now that we’ve allowed “or”… No, actually it isn’t)

34. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Kate, because it’s the popular girl thing to do.

35. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Kate, because it’s the Kate thing to do.

36. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? “The never-ending fricken’ questionnaire”

37. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don’t think I have one… *looks* nope, no mouse pad.

38. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? There isn’t a TV in my house, but tonight I saw a commercial on a TV that was in Beau Jo’s.

39. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? Kate’s voice as we have another bizarre and interesting conversation.

40. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Sorry, that would be cheating. See, you have to have the same number of words on either side of the “or”, otherwise it isn’t fair.

41. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? The waking world.

42. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I only have special ed talents.

43. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? myself as another person was born on this list, I was born in Denver, CO.

44. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Yours.

45. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? A group hiking trip, she had on great big boots. Her antennae were barely noticeable though.

Please and thank you.

Does the Lorax Really Speak for the Trees?

Really? I mean, why should we take his word for it?
What if the Lorax (if that really is his name), is just a “tree-hag” or a tree fan-boy of sorts?
In my head I imagine this exchange among the trees…

Tree1 – “Oh no. The Lorax is coming…”

Tree2 – “Seriously? Dude, I totally wish I had legs to get away from him.”

Tree1 – “No no… check it out, if I had legs, I stomp his weaselly ass.”

Tree2 – “Yeah dude, that would shut him up!”

Tree1 – “Here it comes, he’s going to stand there and pontificate about how wonderful he is for speaking for us. Blah, blah, blah.”

Tree2 – “Hey Buddy! Don’t do us any favors, right? Maybe you should go speak for rocks, they need somebody too! By the way, Wilford Brimley wants his mustache back!”

Tree1 – “I wish he could have heard that. Except the Wilford part, that was lame.”

Tree2 – “Whatever… hey, why are YOU Tree1? I was here first.”

The Lorax. "I also speak for Sam, the dog next door!"The Lorax. “I also speak for Sam, the dog next door!”Wilford Brimley. "Oatmeal, it's the right thing to do."Wilford Brimley. “Oatmeal, it’s the right thing to do.”